Nostalgia. A double-edged sword. My Merriam-Webster dictionary defines it as:
“a wistful or excessively sentimental yearning for return to or of some past period or irrecoverable condition”
I’m nostalgic of the time when I wasn’t nostalgic. A part of us always wants to go back to those “good times” we once had. But that’s the thing, why wasn’t I nostalgic when I was a kid? Because I always had something to look forward to. As a kid I hadn’t experienced or lived enough to want to go back in time and yearn for those great moments where my mom would wipe my smooth tooshie after taking care of baby business in my diaper. Or even that moment my dad made me put on my sister’s underwear after showering because all of mine were dirty and nobody cares what a kid wears because, well, they’re just kids.
I’m also nostalgic of the time when I wasn’t nostalgic because I truly was a happy kid. I didn’t have to worry about being the foreigner in the classroom where people spoke a weird language and I didn’t have to pronounce my name a million times so it would no longer get butchered (which it did and still does). If I wanted ice cream, I would either cry, beg, or just declare my desire for ice cream until I got it in my hands. It didn’t matter what the situation was, success was the only option. Plain and simply, I just lived freely to the point where I happened to the world, the world didn’t happen to me. There didn’t have to be a reason for doing something. Life was about exploration just for the sake of experiencing something new and fun. The moment that gets limited or taken away, chances are you will become nostalgic.
As much as we would like to slow time down and let the good moments last forever, they will eventually become part of the past. It is inevitable. I have realized that when I do find myself in a nostalgic mood I end up dissatisfied or sad once reality kicks back in. That is why there will be no more nostalgia for Payazaro. From now on, I will reminisce. I will sit back, reminisce and celebrate the good times and great memories of yesterday with a smile and look forward to the endless great moments and memories that are yet to come. Because they will come even if I have to cry, beg, or declare my strong desire for them 🙂