Manly Hands

If you’re a girl and you have manly hands, there is no need to panic. You probably have the manly feet to go along with those hands and that’s OK. You can keep your feet unexposed with cute girly shoes even during a hellish summer, but you will look pretty ridiculous walking around with sweaty gloves all day just because you tried to hide your manly hands. Major Fail. But there is hope…

Bring attention to the nails and away from the entire hands. If your palms are calloused and rough, never wave at someone with your palm facing outwards. Just raise your fist and extend your arm up like a revolutionary. You might leave the person you are saluting confused, but everyone always responds by raising their own fist into the air to fight the struggle and promote unity. If they don’t, eliminate them from your life. Anybody against solidarity can never be your friend.

Now back to your manly hands. Even if they’re fuzzy, pudgy, veiny or discolored, as long as you have fingers you’re good. On those fingers are finger nails and you will want to decorate, paint, file, whatever it takes to distract curious eyes from focusing on your Shrek hands. The moment you see people’s eyes focusing on your entire hands, do the craziest finger kicks known to man. It will bring their attention back to where it needs to be. Even if you’re an amputee survivor, I’ve seen some pretty ballin’ prosthetic hands. Let’s be optimistic and look at the advantages people! Even if you only have one finger, as long as there is a fingernail, rock it to the fullest!

Some women consider their manly hands a disease. I think they’re right. That must be why they call it a “man”icure. Food for thought…

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