Hola. Buenas tardes. I’ve been doing well thanks for asking. And you? Well, that’s splendid 🙂
I just realized it’s been about three months since I last blogged. I don’t know if I’m more surprised that nobody said anything or that it took me that long to realize it. Not even my number one fan said anything 🙁 It’s OK, it’s just another reminder of why I began this blog in the first place–to entertain myself. Damn straight.
So what has happened in the last three months?
I went to Honduras when the ousting of the president took place, looking to get teargassed in order to justify my liberal shenanigan tendencies. Was he my president? No. Was I very confused as to what was going on? Yes. It only made sense to put on my nosy American-cap and go find out. OK, in all honesty, I was tired of hearing about the decapitation of local narcotic traffickers in Mexico so I thought witnessing political mayhem in a new country would be a good change.
After my visa expired, I had no choice but to leave Honduras. Because I still had the “crazy vato loco” high, I decided to go say wassup to the nearby Mara Salvatruchas in El Salvador. Fortunately, my eyes were still red from the Honduran police teargas and you combine that with the scar on my eyebrow and I had enough thug legitimacy. I had not showered in several days and I looked pretty rugged. They welcomed me into their brotherhood but it was not like any fraternity that I remember in the US. No kegs, themed parties, or dancing with old people on Valentine’s day for a local philanthropy event. They were pretty serious and seemed to have a chip on their shoulder. I de-pledged and decided to stay independent instead. Unlike college, where once you choose to not be a part of their fraternity and they no longer talk to you or acknowledge your existence, the Salvatruchas harassed me and threatened to take my life. Fortunately, I look Filipino, so when they chased me into the city they lost me in the Filipino parade.
I then went further south and swam with sharks in the Nicaraguan lake. Little did I know that, just like the water, the sharks are sweet as well. Apparently there is an underground vessel that connects the ocean with the Nicaraguan lake. It is the only lake in the world where sharks can survive in sweet water. I guess not living in the ocean’s salty water can affect a sharks personality. It was like swimming with dolphins with Parana-like teeth.
I was gonna go to Costa Rica but they confused me for Nicaraguan and treated me accordingly. I was too broke to fly over their country so I had no choice but to stay in Nicaragua for a few more weeks until I raised enough money for my next adventure. I looked at my choices and got an apprenticeship at a local pupusas joint where the food was so good it made me forget I was Mexican. I would have stayed there longer but the lady who owned the place wanted me to marry her daughter. The daughter looked like a teddy bear, was as fuzzy, and had a better mustache than mine so that ended the deal. Consequently, I was fired on the spot.
to be continued…