Eat More Crackers, Go Easy On The Whine

I have no problem lending both of my big ears so that you can complain about how your diet is not working and how your ass is genetically predisposed to attaching itself to comfy couches the moment you set foot in your house. After a while though, there’s only so much moping my ears can take. When I reach that breaking point, Payazaro steps in to the rescue and gives you a taste of your own medicine.

I tell the girls in the office, “Man, I’ve tried eating everything: greasy foods, healthy foods, not working out as much and still I can’t gain weight! I’m at the point where I’m considering brushing my teeth with lard just to let my body know what the plan is.” The looks I get are priceless. What, I can’t vocalize my weight insecurities like y’all do? Yes, I know, it’s a double standard.

Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut, is it fair for me to complain about how I can’t gain weight if women complain about how they can’t lose it? Yes. Thank you for your input.

Ever since I can remember, the source of 99% of the complaints I hear stem from social perception and expectation of what a body should look like. What a body “should” look like is subjective but even then most of the jibber jabber is about a body figure that needs to lose weight. Just because you have excess weight doesn’t necessarily mean it’s worse than my lack of it. Unless you have a doctor’s note to prove otherwise, quit your whining and keep eating.

These girls in the office aren’t even obese; they just like to complain to fit in. All I’m saying is let me be part of the choir too.

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