Women, Don’t Cut Your Hair!

Ok, I know beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but when what’s being beheld looks like my nappy and greñudo homie, um, I don’t think so. I can care less for men hair styles–we have the luxury to just pick up and go with one brush with our fingers, no saliva needed. But the sanctity and purity of women can be tainted with one simple act–a haircut.

Call me crazy, but just as some people have fetishes, likes, vanity driven traits they look for in a woman, etc, I have mine and it’s definitely long [head–not arm, leg, chin, upper lip, or armpit] hair. I can probably trace back a couple of reasons why it is so important to me and why I stand against short haircuts for women. Let me explain…

Maybe it was all the buzz cuts that all the men in our family had to undergo during the “piojo season” in the summer while the women received their feminine head lice shampoo sessions. Why? Because their hair had to be preserved. I had to say goodbye to my Rico Suave slicked back hair that was nicely pressed down by my classy Chicano hairnet summer after summer. Was I mad? No. Was I left confused of the double standard? Yes. When I asked the family elders why I couldn’t let my hair grow out while maintaining it groomed I always got a response that challenged my manhood and sexuality. So it was never about style or looks, but rather about gender.

Perhaps it was all those TV commercials with the beautiful women and their long, soft, and shiny hair that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside just by thinking about it. Never did you see a woman on those commercials with a Barbara Bush haircut. Which leads me to my next point–age.

Take a look at most women above the age of 50. As a matter of fact take a look at your mother and I’m willing to bet that your mother’s hair is above her shoulders, if not, right at chin level. Let me put it in third grade math terms: woman + short hair = old and probably stale. I mean no disrespect to you, your mother or any woman that chooses such hair style, I’m just stating my opinion.

And last but definitely not least, it is every heterosexual man’s nightmare to get turned on by a woman’s silky and sexy hair as she sits at the bar only to have HIM turnaround and realize you were just fooled and now you must punch yourself in the gonads for falling for it. Not cool…

I was reminded of all this when one of my aunts came over to visit and for some reason she looked more attractive (in a non-sexual way of course) to me. It didn’t take me long to realize that she had her hair down and it was the longest I had ever seen it on her. She suddenly increased her rankings in “my favorite aunt list”. The very next day I went over for a pozole night and instinctively became reluctant to give her a hug until I overcame the shock and agony of my eyes after seeing her short haircut. Instant bump down in 5 rankings on the “favorite aunt list” 🙁

I am so adamant about this that I have ignored and avoided my mother for days because she cut her hair above her shoulders once. As a matter of fact, I told my girlfriend that if she cuts her hair, it’s over. Split end trimmings have to be filed, submitted to me and undergo a highly scrutinized screening process to determine if the split ends are indeed in need of a trimming. Photoshopped pictures will be instantly denied upon submission. 99% of the time, the split end problem can be prevented with quality shampoo. Don’t be cheap ladies…