Warning About Women, Or Better Yet, Girls in Mexico.

Given that Spring Break is about to kick off and many foreigners are about to pack their bags and head to where the sun is, you will most likely end up in Mexico. Whether you’re a bachelor or not, you might catch yourself double glancing at some of the local fine and pure-bred Mexicanas. Before you even decide to talk to them, like my 9th grade sex-ed teacher once told us, “think with this head (pointing to his forehead), not this head (pointing to his crotch)”. Now, you may be thinking, “Payazaro, look at them. What’s there to worry about?” Well, if you’re into middle school girls and want to spit game to someone who is as old as your little sister, be my guest…sicko.

I don’t know what it is about the women in Mexico, but for some reason, they develop and hit puberty while the fellas are still playing marbles. Maybe this is where the social sciences meet the natural sciences: after all these years of teen pregnancies, the female body has “evolved” into the baby-making machine at an earlier age. Maybe not. The best theory I can come up with is that we’re just breast fed longer in Mexico. That baby powder milk is not as widely used as it is in the US, and during a global economic crisis like the one we’re experiencing these days, it’s just too expensive. If I learned anything in my economics class it’s that chichis are a hot commodity at best, and a primary staple good at worst.

But back to the ladies. You also may be thinking, “we’re at a bar, you must be 21 to drink.” Correction compadre, the legal drinking age in Mexico is 18 and it is loosely enforced. So the next time you find yourself chillaxing at a spring-break bash at the beach and you look into the eyes of the child who may be my little cousin and see that sparkling twinkle in her eyes, think Dora The Explorer.