Category — Mexico

It’s been quite some time since I’ve had a little US oxygen. Kissing my American girlfriend does not count I’ve been tempted to make a walk out to our local WalMart to get a scent of good ol’ US fresh air but I must say that it sounds scary. As I mentioned in one of the first posts of this blog, the only time I went there was the first day I arrived to Manzanillo (and trust me, it was not my choice). MexiWalMart is another world though. From what I remember, everybody in there looked like me. I didn’t even need a translator! I didn’t see a disabled person greeting me at the door though. Mexico hasn’t reached that progressive point where they’ll hire you regardless of your physical capabilities.

I like to go to the Mexican markets, local family owned grocery stores, and even the big store competitors like Soriana or La Comercial. I never get tired of Mexican food. The tasty choices I have are endless when it comes to Mexican cuisine. But every once in a while I do get a little American craving. No, I’m not talking about a hot dog or …. wait, what is an American dish? Well, it doesn’t matter because you’ll have a tough time finding the ingredients at our big stores. Whenever I see American or Canadian customers walking through the aisles looking for American products or ingredients, I like to sit back and just watch. They’re as lost as a Mexican at a NASCAR race. It’s a spectacle. Ooooh, that’s a good word! How did that even come out of my vocabulary?

But I’ve walked through every aisle and rarely do I see American products. I think our American and Canadian minority at least deserve the respect of a “Gringo Aisle” kinda like Safeway does with their “Hispanic Aisle” in the US. Seriously though, that is a niche waiting to make these big grocery stores rich. There is certainly a market for it. I have no doubt that the puzzled look on the American’s face that day came from the absence of his Grey Pupon. Nothing but Tapatío and El Pato tomato salsa for him.

I even attempted to help one American/Canadian who was looking for soy milk. I asked the closest employee walking by and he turns to his co-worker and says, not asks: “Este wey quiere saber si tenemos leche de soya.” I turned my back to the employee and told the American/Canadian that they said to check at WalMart.

I believe everyone has seen a cockroach aka “roach” at some point in their life. They’re ugly crawling critters that have roamed this earth probably long before Adam and Eve. Roaches have no boundaries and no matter how many you step on, they will come back. The rainy season is about to hit Manzanillo and I couldn’t help but notice how many roaches came out of the sewer last year around this time. I feel like they breed 9 months of the year and prepare for a 3 month war with mankind.

Whenever I step on one I can’t help but think about that Indiana Jones scene where he and his sidekick are exploring a cavern filled with roaches and the kid says, “I feel like I’m stepping on fortune cookies”. I guess they do make that kind of crunch sound. But even stepping on them is not a guaranteed kill. They are the masters of playing dead. I’ve often left a roach “dead” in my patio for the rest of its homies to see what they’re dealing with only to come back an hour later and see it gone! Cutting their heads won’t do the job because they are known to survive up to 9 days without their heads! Who in the hell discovered this? One thing is for sure, some scientist had to prove it for it to become a fact.

According to an uncle of mine, you can freeze a roach and once it unfreezes it will come back to life and run away the first chance it gets. I’ve been tempted to try it but too disgusted in attempting to catch one and keeping it alive. Imagine it’s tiny little hairs and multiple legs wiggling and rubbing on your hand and then have it crawl across your arm and potentially into your mouth! Ok, maybe not, but I fear that potentially happening to me.

My high school teacher once told me a roach could survive a nuclear war. I hope we never find out http://www.roachcom.net/rofacts/ is filled with crazy facts about roaches but my favorite is the following: “When a male cockroach is interested in a female, he gives her a wrapped gift and takes her out to dinner–well, sort of. Males transfer sperm to females in a nice, “gift wrapped” package called a spermatophore. Some males cover the package in a protein-rich wrapping that she can eat (yum!) to obtain nutrients to raise her young.” Hmmm…Awesome?

I remember American peeps in the US would apply the “illegal immigration dilemma” to the roach infestation occurring in the US. Excuse me? You cannot blame Mexicans for that problem. Why? Two words: “fluttering wings.” Our breed of Mexican roaches indeed fly with grace to any home they want. But NEVER, I repeat, NEVER did I see a flying roach in the US. I’m even willing to go as far as making the statement that it’s American laziness that’s actually rubbing off on THEIR roaches. The suckers are too lazy to fly. Take that! OK, I feel better. The process of writing this post has allowed me to bond with my fellow Mexican roach. I might just pardon the death of one lucky roach, enslave it and keep it tied with a string to a nail in the middle of my patio. I’ve always wanted a house pet and that just might do It’s free, small, low maintenance, and replaceable!

If there is one thing that can define a Mexican or Latino, it’s our ability to eat spices and hot peppers. As a matter of fact, it strengthens our Latino Heat and intensifies it through our auras. Spices can be traced back to our ancestors and its uses in traditional Mexican cuisine is long standing and very much alive today. I still remember eating basic beans and rice as a kid with a spoon on my right hand and a very spicy green pepper on my left hand. I was about 5 or 6 years old and as I would bite the green pepper my mouth and lips would start throbbing with life. The spicier the pepper, the more my mouth and lips lit on fire and the more enjoyable the meal. I remember sitting outside on the sidewalk after the meal, facing the ground with my mouth open and tongue sticking out slowly waiting for the sting and burn of the peppers to cool off and fade away. Now I understand why dogs do the same during the summer months

Mexicans put spices on everything! That’s right, and it tastes really good too! We put spice on candy, fruits, chips, even beer. As a matter of fact, it is quite common to see kids eating “chile” alone from their palm as a snack! I remember those days and boy do I miss them…

But I must confess that I can no longer handle it. I love the taste of spices and the flavor it provides to many meals. The thing is that I have no problem consuming and tasting spices so the “coming in” process is completely fine. The problem is the process of it coming out! You may be thinking, “Payazaro, that is TMI (too much information)!” but it’s really important to think about issues like this. Where did this problem come from and why?! I’ve always had a sensitive stomach but spices were like oxygen to my tummy. Part of the Mexican identity is that we can handle all the spices and chili peppers the world has to offer. We embrace them and desperately look for them. However, there comes a time when a body just decides it no longer wants to process a certain food or ingredient like it used to. Like a digestive divorce and it aint’ goin’ back! I’m not even 30 and my body is already breaking down! This side effect crept up on me like lactose intolerance does to others. But at least those people can drink soy milk and other lactose free products. You can’t get a pseudo spice! That’s like having Michael Jackson replace the leader of the Ku Klux Klan!

Reimmersing myself back into Mexico has been tough in this regard. Whenever I visit family, it is expected that their meals will have spices. Whenever I tell my aunts if they could lay off the spice just a bit I get shit for it. They act like it makes me less Mexican. They’ll tell me, “If that’s what happens when you go to the US, then I don’t ever want to go!”

Leave me alone people, my stomach can’t take it anymore. I think the eagle on the Mexican flag should have a chipotle pepper rather than a snake. It would be more accurate.

Hello my peeps. I’m all about the support for local artists. There are artists waiting to be discovered and artists that don’t care if they don’t make it big and die out after being “one hit wonders”. This local artist was captured by a friend who frequents the beach often. I wouldn’t call it a discovery because this musician does his thing no matter what beach he’s on. As a matter of fact, don’t be surprised if you see him on the bus in Manzanillo.

This man doesn’t need a mic, speakers, or real drums and fellow band members. He does his thing with three coffee cans and two sticks. He is one of many people around the world that struggle to make a living. Who said you can’t have fun making ends meet during the economic crisis? It comes to no surprise what his artist name is and so without further ado, I present to you “Grupo Lata”

So I’ve been contemplating traveling throughout Central and South America during the summer and this swine flu crap is making it less of a possibility. For all of my people around the world who have coveted this beautiful brown skin and ethnic and cultural background, let me tell you one thing: NOT ALL MEXICANS HAVE THE SWINE FLU! You can still dream and aspire with your ritual summer tans before visiting the taco trucks. If all Mexicans had the swine flu, you would have it right now. Who do you think is preparing your meal at the local restaurant joint? Who’s cleaning the seat you’re currently sitting on right now? I don’t intend to perpetuate stereotypes here, but the reality is many Mexicans do occupy those employment positions in the US. As a matter of fact, chances are you go to school with one of us. But if being afraid of Mexicans is gonna be the new fad, sorry my Latin American peeps, you look like the rest of us

Once again the Mexican is the butt of the joke and we gladly rejoice in the self-directed joking. However, it has now gone too far. People are acting like Mexicans are the only ones with cooties which is estuped. I can understand if a country is afraid of regular Mexican citizens, peons who live close to the supposed pigs who transmitted the swine flu, and perhaps get intimidated even by Super Vato. But Vicente Fernandez? Señor “Chente”–the man every Mexican’s mother would make love to if given the opportunity was rejected in Peru!!!!!!!!!! If a Mexican deity like Chente is not allowed to enter, as flattering as it may be to live as Super Vato, I don’t think this frijolero is going anywhere this summer 

So it’s been a few days since I’ve written a post and I’m sure you’ve been wondering what Payazaro has been up to. Well, it really doesn’t matter because family will drop by and mess it all up. “Mess it all up” is wrongly put because that will hurt very sensitive people’s feelings, they… lets see… yes, they constantly remind me that life is filled with surprises and you must be able to adjust on any given notice.

Family can miss their previously agreed arrival or meeting time by a long shot (see my “Time in Mexico” post), but when it comes to showing up at your house at the most inopportune time, boy are they damn good and nail it right on the money. You see, there is no such thing as calling before you visit or giving you a heads up that they are about to bombard you with a pick up truck or old-school (but certainly classic) slug bug filled with four generations of family that is not only hungry, but ready to suck your energy dry. Which reminds me, if you think your family is good at fitting the whole neighborhood and their pets into a small car, that is yet another reason why you must visit me (surprise me, I dare you…) because we set the standard high on that one.

If there is anything that I have learned in Mexico, it’s the following: anticipate the unanticipated drop in visits by family. You can be taking a dooky, getting ready to go out, be hosting a shindig, it doesn’t matter because not matter what it is and how obvious it is, they will still mock you by asking, “are you busy?” No uncle, I was not relaxing on the toilet at the privacy of my own home, and I certainly got all dressed up on a Saturday night just to sit on the computer and read the New York Times all by myself while drinking a corona, and my friends decided to just sit their and look pretty while they gladly embrace being ignored as I continue to sip and sip on my corona.

Oh, and you can’t confront them about it, they get butt-hurt. According to an uncle, I have been Americanized and “esa mierda no se vale aquí.” But did he tell me this to my face? Hell no. He told my momma who called me and told me. She thought it was hilarious. My momma understands that the way I grew up conditioned me to plan ahead whenever possible because something may come up that will throw my schedule off. As a matter of fact, since I was born, my dad has always set every clock in the house 10-20 minutes ahead because it supposedly helps him show up on time (and if you’re Latino, you know what I’m talking about). Anywho, it’s a different rhythm of time, space, and execution here in Mexico. You can’t plan too much ahead because you’ll make everybody else look bad.

The ultimate idea is this, no matter what, always take family in, greet them, make them feel at home and leave them the house keys if you have to. I understand that. But if family are people you can fully trust and be honest with them about what’s going on in your life, you would think you could at least promote honest dialogue while making your best intentions known. You can’t do that in Mexico without being mocked about your un-Mexicaness, and they know that’s a low blow for me. Oh well, I guess I’ll enjoy my un-Mexicaness the next time I watch an all English movie on TV with them without translating and ridicule them for their un-Americaness In Mexico, you don’t get mad, you get even.

This will be my shortest post ever. The video is self explanatory (in Spanish). For all of mi gente who call themselves Mexican, it’s food for thought. I know Cinco de Mayo is tomorrow, and more of a reason to reflect on how you not only portray yourself, but potentially perpetuate a mentality that is hurting the community as a whole (regardless of where you’re living at the moment).

I would really like to hear what you have to say about it, so please leave a comment. Much love, Payazaro.

Este escrito será el más breve de todos. El propósito del video es obvio. Para toda mi raza que se considere y llame “Mexicana”, piensa bien en el mensaje del video. Mañana es Cinco de Mayo y con más razon uno debe de reflexionar en el problem más grave del Mexicano. Sea aquí en Mexico o en cualquier parte del mundo. Y no, no estoy hablando del gripe

So it’s been about a week since my grandmas and family left and the whole time I was indulging in great leftover cooking. Well, today I finally went back to cooking on my own and just witnessed the aftermath of all that cooking. I’ll put it this way, I don’t think even reconstructive surgery will save one of my ladles and at least one pan has a scar and a permanent tan

Bless my grandmothers’ hearts and their cooking, but for some reason, maintaining their pots, pans and cooking utensils in good shape is difficult to do. Who can blame them. They come from humble backgrounds where owning a stove with an oven is a privilege and blessing. Living in the US where most stoves are electrical (as opposed to gas run) made me take my stove for granted. In Mexico, just because you have a stove, doesn’t mean you can cook. You need the gas tank and the matches. I still remember my grandmother waiting to make her canela (cinnamon tea) because she couldn’t find the matches to light the stove and she did not want to wake me up. I felt real bad for not telling her that all she had to do was press the electrical button on the stove (that brings a spark to all the burners) and release the gas of whatever burner she wanted to use. She was amazed! Technology can sometimes limit the creativity and craftsmanship of an artist, or in this case, of a great cook and it was definitely cramping my grandma’s style

I have concluded that Mexico sets its citizens up for inefficiency, late payments, and debt. First of all, your common consumer will not have a bank account for many reasons (see my previous post about banks). Secondly, without a bank account, chances are that you will not have a credit card. Without a credit card, you cannot make payments through the internet. Consequently, this requires you to go in person and pay. You show up in person to pay at one of the many designated stores to make a payment only to find out that they can’t process your payment even though you showed up two days from the date your payment is due. Why? Estuped policy! If it’s within two days of the due date, certain utility bills will be charged with a fee unless you go to the main headquarters that are way the hell far away in Zimbabwe somewhere (actually, just a 30 minute bus ride from my house, but still!). Well guess what, you don’t get your bill statement until like two days before it’s due (not always, but most of the time). Is this a conspiracy or just a messed up system? Both!

People are always short in cash (and it’s gotten worse after the recession) and when they go make their payment, they take the exact amount due. So, once they’re informed that they have to pay a “late” fee even though they’re making their payment on time, leaves them unable to make the payment until they go back home and get the extra money to cover the fee (which they don’t because times are tough!).

I consider myself pretty astute when it comes to sticking it to the man, but sometimes you’re just doomed. For example, I do have a bank account, debit card, and credit card. I also have on-line accounts with whatever company I can to avoid the walk-in mess and now frightening swine flu. But even attempting to make your payments on time via the internet is set-up for you to fail. How so Payazaro? Well, “COINCIDENTALLY”, the system is always undergoing maintenance right when people want to make their payments. Ok, so I go and make my payment in person, but guess what, they don’t accept credit cards? Hmmm, what a coincidence. Sometimes I think Mexico takes pride in finishing last…

To all my friends back in the US who think they have to deal with difficult tellers and horrible customer service, just remember, it could always be worse.

Opening a bank account when I first moved to Mexico was a pain in the culo to say the least. I remember going from bank to bank figuring out which one would work best for me, and remember one distinct conversation with a promotional bank account recruiter from Banamex (a popular bank in Mexico). She said, “Hunny, all banks are thieves and even though I work for one, I wouldn’t recommend it.” Case and point.

First, there is no such thing as having a bank account without a monthly fee. The bank is charging you to use your money! Then, you need to go through a screening process that takes about a month before you get your debit card (at least it did for me with HSBC bank). Several banks won’t even take your American dollars even if you want to deposit them into your account as pesos and not request the immediate exchange in hard-copy currency. My bank started doing this the last few months and when I asked why, the response was “policy”. What policy? The ignorant frijolero couldn’t tell me.

Getting my credit card took about three months. Granted, I had no credit history in Mexico, and they wanted me to prove a source of income. I couldn’t because I had just been employed and hadn’t received my first paycheck, but when I’m depositing 5 thousand dollars (un-suspiciously of course) that’s not enough? The bank consultant told me to take that money out and deposit 200 dollars every week. Guess what, it worked. After two months they approved me. UN-NE-CE-SS-AR-Y Work! I looked at the bank consultant straight in the eye and told him, “you know this is estuped right?” His response, “I know, it’s policy.” They gladly embrace their estuped policy.

The general public does not trust banks. They still believe in the idea of hiding your money under your mattress or some secret place. For good reasons too! I miss the days of easy banking (on-line and in person), easier credit approval, and non-estuped policy.

Oh, and get this, apparently, if you owe a bank or another store money that previously gave you credit and suddenly you find yourself unable to pay because you are so in debt, there is an easy solution–a convenio.  In plain and simple terms, a convenio is legal binding document that states both parties (indebted person and the institution that gave the credit) agree that the entire debt will be liquidated if the indebted person agrees to pay a smaller amount in full! Crazy! This of course comes at the price of being X-listed on the Credit Bureau database. Consumer debt is a country-wide problem and institutions are willing to charge you less and get something then to charge you the total sum and have you avoid and hide from them all your life.