Category — General

Laughter is a beautiful expression. It’s pretty addicting if you ask me. I’d rather have a twelve-pack of good jokes and laughter than a keg of the best beer this world has to offer. Yet, we have been socialized to laugh and joke at appropriate times and settings. Some cannot fathom the idea of joking in a moment of despair. However, if I were to confine my laughter to the “appropriate” time and setting, my life would be filled with despair. That’s the beautiful thing about humor, because it’s subjective, what is funny to one person can be offensive to another. I won’t go into why a joke can be offensive because that’s a whole thesis in itself and I deliberately keep my blog posts short for a reason.

I strongly believe stand up comedy is one of the most powerful tools and venues to educate, heal, incite, and make people ponder about ideas and things beyond themselves. You don’t need a joke to do that, but using a joke as an instrument can make that experience (and the actual content of the joke) unforgettable. There are comedians that provide humor for the sake of humor itself. At the basic level, that is very much appreciated especially after a long day filled with stress. However, when a comedian can craft and write a perfectly funny joke that cause his/her audience members to think, understand something at a deeper level, or challenge their views (for good reasons) of any given topic is what I look for in a comedian. Don’t just show me the funny, show me the smart funny.

For those comedians that chose to pursue stand up as a career, as a fellow fan I challenge you to challenge my thinking with your jokes. I dare you to bring me into your world where hot feels cold, where pain feels real good, where rainbows have neon colors and where dead puppies are still cute. At the end of the day laughter is great, but intent and purpose is what I’m learning to value the most.

When I was in the US, if the name Bill Gates came up in conversations, people tended to say positive things about him. I used to hear jokes in school about how Bill Gates was so rich that his house had its own zip code (which is not so funny when you realize it’s true!). Although some dismissed Mr. Gates as a man too rich to understand 99.99% of us, those same people could not deny the good work and contribution Bill was making around the world with his donations and philanthropy work.

When I worked with students a couple of years ago, I used to ask them if they knew who the richest man in the world was. The popular answer: Bill Gates. I encountered one or two cool nerds that knew that answer was no longer correct. The richest man in the world is Carlos Slim. Instead of asking these students if they knew who Carlos Slim was, I focused their attention on WHY Bill Gates was no longer the richest man in the world. He gave, and continues to give, back.

One of my favorite vocabulary words in high school was “oxymoron”. Whenever I think of Carlos’ last name, my brain quickly registers that word. Carlos’ last name accurately reflects his generosity. It’s almost like he gives back because he feels he has to or his businesses will suffer. Nobody wants to support a business that belongs to someone with a mentality like Ebenezer Scrooge, especially a sassy Latino version.

I have yet to meet a Mexican in Mexico whose opinion of Carlos Slim is more positive than negative. Maybe I should go interview his financial adviser. So why is Carlos’ image so negative? There’s no need for a dissertation or powerpoint presentation to answer this question. Plain and simply, he’s codo (stingy). Many Mexicans I spoke to about this expressed embarrassment to the reality that the richest man in the world is a fellow compatriot who is not doing more within his position of privilege to help his country. Instead, he’s focusing more on his business empire. Mr. Slim, maybe you don’t want to help Mexico in ways that other wealthy people have in other countries. OK, fine. But it is self-righteous and pompous (another favorite vocab word of mine) to ridicule those who genuinely give back with the wealth they’ve been blessed with.

A couple of years ago, Carlos Slim gave his perspective on what he thought about giving back like Bill Gates and Warren Buffett: “…businessmen can do more good by building solid companies than by ‘going around like Santa Claus’ donating money.” Don’t let the Santa Claus reference distract you. Mr. Slim, when successful professionals give back, they’re not always giving back as “businessmen”. They’re giving back as human beings that willingly accept the responsibility of  utilizing their wealth to aid the world in sectors that greatly need it. Consequently, they ARE contributing to the “building of solid companies” in many respects. Companies, organizations and foundations that do not necessarily belong to them either.

Maybe Carlos should get a better PR guy to help improve his image, but my guess is that he doesn’t have one. The Grinch never needed one either. Sometimes image is everything and Carlos Slim can definitely improve it.

OK, we’re all thinking it but nobody is saying it, so I will. If I ever write something on your Facebook wall and you don’t respond I will defriend you. No, that’s not “a little extreme”. Some people think that you’re not friends in real life if you’re not friends on Facebook, and my action to defriend you will honor that. Real friends respond. Period.

Or what, are you just adding friends to be a cool cat in a virtual world that feels so real? OK, we’ll see what happens at your funeral with your 1,239 Facebook “friends”. Maybe your mom can set up 1,239 computer screens with the mug shot of all your so called Facebook friends. But guess what? My pretty Latino face won’t be there! Or what, are you collecting friends like a kid collects Pokemon cards? You gotta “catch ‘em all”? As an adult, that is weak sauce.

Some of you have even blocked or removed the option to write on your wall! Pretty smooth, but that doesn’t keep me from letting you know that I want to talk to you. But Nooooooo, not even a private message gets you to respond. The least you can do is poke me back! I may be super sensitive, but like my little cousin says, you’re a jerkmuffin.

And don’t act like you haven’t been on Facebook in a while and therefore haven’t seen my message. There’s a thing called news-feed on my homepage and it tells me everything you do on Facebook. It’s like stalker-mode on autopilot watching your every move. It even notified me of the uploaded picture where you got wasted and took a dump in your neighbor’s yard with your recent comment of “please delete this picture!”. Again, pretty smooth…

So, in summary, don’t be surprised if I suddenly show up on your side bar as a suggested friend you should add. You may click “add friend” to re-add me, but I may not respond to your friend request. Maybe then you’ll know how it feels…you jerkmuffin.

What I love about life is that it always gives you opportunities to learn, grow, and challenge yourself on a daily basis. Those who say otherwise must be rich bastards. A big part of having a life is living it, and that means deliberately. How does one live life deliberately? Goals.

It would be pretty cool to be born with a life-long itinerary filled with prearranged activities, events, and things to do until the day you die. Even if each and every one of those activities tickled your fancy in a positive way, your personality would be as dynamic as a cave door. I don’t know about you, but I want me some personality!

We all have goals, but it’s crazy to think about how many of them we actually see completed even if they lead to failure. How can a goal lead to failure? If your goal was to go to college but you flunked out, guess what, goal completed but you, my friend, failed. That’s why goal specificity is VERY important. Moving on…

Chilo, one of my best friends from high school, moved in with me last year for about 6 months. He always talked about buying an accordion and playing his favorite corridos and banda music…Mexican country, if you will. Chilo had a heart for it. It’s what gave him a lot of his personality. Yet, he never managed to fully manifest that kick-ass personality with an accordion in his hands. He had the goal, but even today, he lives on without ever getting his hands on one. What Chilo did is something that we all do. We place some of our most reachable goals in a “bucket list” that will be completed at some point in the distant future even though we want them NOW. We put them off even though they’re important to us. That’s why I believe you should treat your goals like a bucket list. You become a “go getter” and enjoy them now instead of when you’re old, frail, and being held down in your wheel-chair by your adult grand-kids on an airplane, because they remember you telling them you wanted to go to Antarctica when they were children and they never forgot.

So Chilo, thanks for the inspiration. I finally bought my guitar this afternoon. Get your accordion and come jam with me!

Which reminds me, I used to think fulfilling my “bucket list” of things I want to do before I die was something I would do when I’m older. Like if doing them once was enough. F-that! I’m gonna be that old man going through his bucket list for the tenth time reminiscing and living each time with those I love the most. My grandchildren will know that their grandpapi is no joke, maybe a little crazy, but with a lot of personality

Good ol’ Billy Bob here has an interesting philosophy: If you play soccer, you’re going to hell. The logic of his assertions would have impressed me in elementary school, but you can’t fool me now BillyBobNeck! I don’t want to ruin the video for you, but all of his statements are instant one-liner classics

How does this guy even know how to operate a computer?

PS. “Senile” also starts with an “s”

The beautiful thing about the internet is that motivation is just one click away. You can use it for good and to cultivate your well being in any way possible. The following video is very uplifting. I recommend you watch it while lying in a hammock like I am. Swing away…you can even close your eyes if you want to. Just make sure to wear sunscreen

You know, growing up I was told that “ain’t” was not a word. Why? Because it was not in the dictionary. A few years later, the word was incorporated into many dictionaries (although prefaced with “nonstandard English”). Apparently, once a word becomes commonly used by society, it receives the forced blessing of dictionary and language scholars. As much as people may resist, the same thing is happening with Spanglish.

It’s going to take some time before most Spanglish words and phrases become part of the accepted English/Spanish dictionary. However, it is still VERY important to know how to speak or write the proper words or phrases in their respective languages! For example, ebonics may help you understand your homie in the inner city streets of LA, but you won’t get away with it in college and you especially will get ridiculed once you step out of the US borders. Trust me Knowing when and how to use both can be beneficial.

I find this topic very interesting and therefore have created its own special section on this website. I provide examples of Spanglish words and phrases and want to make it a venue for anything related to Spanglish. You can find the section by clicking on the following link: www.payazaro.com/spanglish.

I don’t consider myself an English or Spanish scholar, but I am making an effort to understand what the proper uses of both are and when their use will benefit me the greatest.

Check it out and let me know what you think. Comments are always welcome

Much Love,

Payazaro

I always find it interesting how measuring and quantifying your own language skills and speaking abilities can be so subjective. I find it amusing to see people inflate their fluency with a very high percentage when reality says otherwise. Often times, employers in Mexico ask how well you can speak English as it is becoming more than an asset in the workplace. “What percent do you know?” Some people have the huevos to say 100% while they can barely hold a conversation with me in English! Well, if your English is considered 100%, then I’m quadrilingual (English, Spanish, Ebonics and Spanglish). That’s right sucka fish. I keepz it real por vida vato loco!

OK, my point is the following: just because an exam says you can speak a language doesn’t mean you really can. But failing a language exam doesn’t mean you can’t speak the language either. Perhaps you need five or six beers in order to get that fluency out but would give the wrong impression of you at the test center. Besides, we all know how some language exams can measure your understanding of culture, idioms and rules of the language rather than actual fluency.

This is a follow up to a previous post I wrote about being a frijolero.

Though I proudly embrace the term frijolero, I’m beginning to realize that calling myself one is a misnomer.

My momma taught me how to make breakfast, lunch, dinner, dessert, and a drink out of rice. Are you surrrrrious?! Yessiree.

To begin the day I have one of my favorite breakfasts/desserts: arroz con leche. Some call it rice pudding but that’s only because they like to eat mush. A true authentic arroz con leche has whole grains of rice still intact!

For lunch and dinner, I can have arroz rojo (red rice) soaked in blended tomatoes and onions with a dab of garlic or, have some plain and simple arroz a la mantequilla (buttered rice). There are obviously other types of dishes made with rice alone, but those are the two kick-ass ones that I can make with my eyes closed and using my feet. As a matter of fact, I’ve dominated the art of making arroz rojo so well that I can guarantee a taste bud orgasm.

To drink, my momma passed down the tradition of making agua de arroz aka agua de horchata–essentially blended rice with cinnamon, evaporated milk and sugar. Soon enough, my homie from Asia will teach me how to make rice wine. When that day comes, I think that will pretty much cover all the food groups if you ask me

I kinda feel like I’ve betrayed my beloved beans, but I can’t imagine making bean water or beans con leche. Gross.

Now that I think about it, maybe I shouldn’t call myself a frijolero but an arrozero. It’s accurate and insult proof! It would sound foolish if anybody tried to insult me in English with that: “Go back to Mexico you damn ricer!” Estuped…

Valentine’s Day is right around the corner and if your Latino Heat is bursting into flames to tell that significant other how you feel, then Payazaro understands. But not all Papi Chulos and Sexi Mamis know when to use “Te Quiero” over “Te Amo” and vice versa. To the untrained ear, both words are viewed as synonyms and used freely and interchangeably. A true Latino lover knows that to mix both up is a big mistake for there are significant differences that can determine a sexy-hot-juicy passionate kiss or a totally awkward moment. Unless of course, we’re talking about two completely sexually deprived and desperate people who skipped the romance and went straight to business .

Te quiero expresses affection between friends, lovers, relatives, animals…anything! In English, it literally translates into “I like you”. Yes, a very stale way to express your dying love to the Valentine you want to compliment. Though some people use it to mean “I love you”, saying te quiero is the best option if you want to play it safe. It is a great way to verbally express feelings of affection without overstepping boundaries and expectations of love.

Te amo can make a woman’s heart skip a beat. Either because she’s been waiting to hear those words for a long time or because you have officially made things awkward and have scared the shit out of her…sometimes literally. Te amo is stronger and denotes more of a romantic meaning. Although Te amo translates into “I love you,” for some people it’s like telling them that you are in love. Not a good choice if you’ve only been on a couple of dates. But then again, some women read into this way more than men do and if she’s feeling you, a te quiero may be heartbreaking. So if she starts crying, hurry up and open up the box of chocolates! I know, so complicated but that’s why I had to write this post. You are welcome.

It is interesting to note how “I love you” has been watered down in English. The phrase gets thrown around and people have become desensitized to its powerful effect. For example, Payazaro has been told he is loved by friends of the same sex and as homoerotic as that sounds, it seriously felt like a “te quiero”. Nevermind that I call one of these friends “wifey”, that’s just a special term of endearment between the two of us. Yea, umm, back to my point…

I’m curious what your thoughts are on these phrases and when to use them. Even if you’re not Latino, a Papi Chulo or even speak a word of Spanish. Take care and best of luck on the big V-Day.