Because sometimes the only person that can make you laugh and smile is yourself…

Hello my peeps, it’s been a while. I’ve been meaning to check-in and write more but lately I’ve been a little social butterfly. Even when I’m home, I don’t get around to writing because I’m too busy relaxing on my hammock and enjoying being alive. If I get too pensive, my mind tends to steer into a vicious path of complex contemplations about EVERYTHING. I never really took the time to understand how exhausting that could be. If your mind is on overdrive expect your behavior to reflect the consequences sooner or later. Well, I waited well beyond later. Thankfully I have a high self-esteem and am fully equipped with a long history of perseverance through un chingo de [...] Continue Reading…

I will admit it, I have gone off the deep end. Though I mean this figuratively, I can’t help but imagine myself standing at the edge of a diving board at an Olympic sized pool. Before I could even finish mentally preparing to dive in head first, I was already swimming half-way down to touch the bottom of the pool. Why? Somehow I felt that if I succeeded in doing this, life would make more sense. They say curiosity killed the cat, but not this cat. I touched the base of this pool and am swimming back up to catch my breath. I can see the sunlight bright above the water shattering like broken pieces of mirror reflecting and [...] Continue Reading…

I once heard that the harder we try to conceal something from people, the more obvious it becomes. I generally agree with that statement and to see it in myself and in other people is actually quite comical. We become extremely self-conscious of that “thing” and it slowly turns into an obsession that can consume our mind if we let it. Oh, and if anybody catches on and touches that sensitive subject, we will lash out in denial or simply pinpoint that person’s insecurity or “thing” that is eating at them and expose it like a bag of ice in the desert.
I have a cousin who is lesbian. Her sexuality is not funny and therefore not the purpose of [...] Continue Reading…

From a very young age, I can remember my mom teaching me that I must always place toilet paper on the toilet seat before taking care of business. It is a golden rule that I take seriously even at my own house. I don’t care if it is a brand-new and straight out of the box toilet, my tussie must touch tissue first.
At my current employer, the men to women ratio is at least 20:1. So, the men’s restroom is always being trafficked. Like a fraternity, you quickly become less self-conscious about peeing side-by-side another co-worker in your own stall. Leave the toilet stalls available for those who really need it for more serious business.
Every once in a while [...] Continue Reading…

If you show up on time you will have more to lose than if you show up late like everyone else. The early bird does not get the worm, it gets the shaft. The stereotype about Mexicans (in Mexico) showing up late is true and I don’t mean that in a negative way. It is expected that people will show up late and so you follow suit. I understand that everyone else will be rushing in at the last minute so I look for ways to take advantage of that (not of them). One practical way: buying my bus ticket to travel out of the state ahead of time.
When the bus employee asked me to pick my seat by [...] Continue Reading…

I like how people get in fights in front of my house like it’s nothing [insert sarcasm stare]. Can’t you see I’m chillin’ and watching a movie?! But no, now I feel the strong desire to be a chismoso like everybody else. I can’t even peek my head out the window because society urged us to place bars throughout our windows in order to make it harder for thieves to break in. I see the police lights hitting all of my walls so this incident must be good. It leaves me no choice but to step out from my front door in my John Stockton-like shorts. Besides, it’s too hot and I keep it real.
I hear some scuffling and [...] Continue Reading…

If you don’t think body language is important, consider yourself a fool. What comes out of your mouth may be dismissed and your intentions will not matter, but your demonic gaze and dragon nostrils will be felt.
Last night during a city league basketball game, a dude from the opposing team was challenging a call that he believed was unfairly whistled against him. The league referees can be like the gestapo and even though they won’t beat you over the head with a stick, they will quickly give you a flagrant foul or even kick you out of the game just for challenging their official call. Well, like the honey badger, this player did not give a fudge. He was [...] Continue Reading…

I thought dinosaurs were extinct. Apparently they’re alive and they’re thirsty for human blood. One snuck into my house and its chupacabra eyes glared at me before its obese frame plummeted onto my desk. I never thought I would see this but I actually saw a mosquito walk. It was so engorged with human blood that it could no longer fly.
It had an interesting skip to its step which for a second tricked me into perceiving it as cute. It was enough to buy this dinosaur a few more seconds of life. I would have smashed its brains out on the spot but this mosquito required a tarp and several towels. I didn’t want my house looking like a [...] Continue Reading…

If you’re a girl and you have manly hands, there is no need to panic. You probably have the manly feet to go along with those hands and that’s OK. You can keep your feet unexposed with cute girly shoes even during a hellish summer, but you will look pretty ridiculous walking around with sweaty gloves all day just because you tried to hide your manly hands. Major Fail. But there is hope…
Bring attention to the nails and away from the entire hands. If your palms are calloused and rough, never wave at someone with your palm facing outwards. Just raise your fist and extend your arm up like a revolutionary. You might leave the person you are saluting [...] Continue Reading…

It’s been a while since I’ve been at home in the morning more than two days in a row. This Mexico Independence 3-day holiday weekend was very refreshing and very much needed. Even though I did sleep in, I was still up relatively early. The sun was barely rising, the birds were chirping, butterflies were hanging out in my small front yard, and I opened all the windows just to let the morning fresh breeze vent my entire house. I felt like Cinderella without the fugly step-sisters.
Then I remembered why I used to think twice about opening all the house windows. My house is on the corner so there are pedestrians constantly trafficking the front and side of my [...] Continue Reading…